The World’s Most Disinterested Man

His smarm is so contagious, radio talkshow hosts call him.

He crawls through gridlock on his way to breaking news listening to Mozart rather than Metallica.

The back of his underwear looks like a Roarschach Test.

Every time he goes for a swim, a BP oil slick appears.

If he were to give you directions, they’d include ever food joint from here to eternity.


When it is raining, he’ll be standing in it because a stacker told him to.It is true what you have heard of him.  It is true that he doesn’t own a car, but has taken the mast off a live truck on a low-hanging limb.

It is true that he almost broke the land speed record while going to lunch.  Popular opinion is that his fuzzy windscreen caused too much resistance.

So please, allow me to introduce the world’s most disinterested man.

Police often question him simply because he hangs around so many crime scenes.

His cargo pants alone can carry more than a reporter’s entire body.

His cabanawear has been known to cause seizures.

He uses a battery belt hold up his pants.

He travels at the speed of smell.

His waistline is expanding faster than the universe.

He doesn’t always guzzle bottled water at the edge of calamity, but when he does, he prefers if it has been sitting a 167-degree car for three hours first.

Stay thirsty my friend.

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About Rick

Writer, photographer, thinker of deep thought . . . too bad I only write about shallow ones.
This entry was posted in Satire and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The World’s Most Disinterested Man

  1. I feel like you literally described my life in perfect detail. Amazing

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