With another election in the books, we here at turdpolishertv feel it’s important to get on with our lives. But as anyone who has shouldered a lens can tell you, that’s not how the newsroom works. After sending every warm body (and a couple of cold ones) to hotel ballrooms around the state, the houseboys always feel the need for a little Monday morning quarterbacking. They huddle behind glass walls and deconstruct every nuanced second of the coverage looking for mistakes and ways to
iron out the kinks do it cheaper four years hence.
Experienced field crews know it’s an exercise in futility and busy work. So, we present all you really need to know about covering an election.
Never pass a chance to pilfer the hors d’ouevre tray. Whether your candidate is a winner or a loser, it’s gonna be a long night. Your fume-spewing live truck isn’t the only thing that needs fuel, so you may as well grab as much free grub as you can. The boss has sprung for a lavish spread for all the people telling you what you’re doing wrong, and they’re living it up. Just stay away from the cabbage rolls an broccoli dip, or your live truck won’t be the only thing spewing fumes.
Try to snag the Democrat’s viewing party. No matter your political persuasion, election night coverage is not about politics. It’s about the party. Democrats know how to throw down. Let’s face it, would you rather hang with the guys who want to legalize pot or the prudes who preach fiscal responsibility?
The boss will not reimburse your bill at the cash bar. List all bar tabs as “batteries.”
Bring you clogs Nothing says fun like a great big line dance. And while you’re crammed on one rickety riser with two dozen photogs, there’s no better time to practice you riverdance. Sure the photogs will shoot you the stink-eye, but who needs a steady shot of the next dog catcher claiming victory.
Language, language, language. When covering the losing candidate, it is important to be sensitive. BillyJoe Beergut put a lot of time and energy into his quest for President of the Fart Retrieval League, so avoid words like “spanked,” “smoked,” “trashed,” and “choked” unless referring to your own election coverage.
At the end of the night, drinks are on the reporter. Your photog made sure you were well-lit all night. After the blow-hard behind the podium has blown away, it’s only fair that the reporter return the favor.
Now, lets forget about this until 2016.