Truth in Advertising

canonical-ubuntu-help-wantedHave you looked for a job in television lately? Someone changed all the positions! No longer are there reporters and photographers, producers or assignment managers, the whole freeking news business has lost it’s mind while I wasn’t looking.

Managers and HR professionals, in an effort to lure unsuspecting neophytes into this crazy industry have re-named many of the time-honored positions to make them more hip for the younger generation. And the job descriptions? Sheesh.

We here at turdpolishertv find this trend disturbing and, though we have not been able to abolish the new titles, we have been able to amend the job descriptions to something a little more truthful.

SAMSUNGContent Center Coordinator: This sounds fancy enough. Maybe you’ll be the master of your own domain, dispatching intelligence to and fro from your vast information center. The only thing a CCC dispatches are worker bees. This is a thankless vocation chained to a desk with scanners blaring in one ear, and everyone else bitching in the other. A horrid existence balancing the needs of prima donna reporters who won’t work with certain photogs and photogs who won’t work at all with those of know-nothing producers who want it all. Answering phones. Sending emails. Presiding over meetings about meetings. Refereeing hissy-fits. Wiping asses. Kissing asses. And placating assholes.

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Digital Visual Content Collection Tech: Photog? Peshaw! Shooters were back in the Stone Age. In the digital era, managers would have you believe the smelly guy in cabanawear is an IT guru. Actually that guy smells like a pack mule because he is one. Be ready to schlepp half-a-ton of gear through exciting locales like sewer plants, fertilizer factories, and the fabulous ghettos of the Serengeti. You’ll learn to walk backwards, dodge flying phlegm, and drive at high rates of speed while texting with one hand, eating with the other all while flipping off the old lady in the slow lane and steering with you knees. But be careful, your chariot has logos and someone is bound to notice.

News-ReporterPurveyor of Information: In another time, you may have been a reporter, digging for facts, and asking tough questions. These days, it’s more important to get the information fast. Forget about finding the truth. Just parrot what the gasbag in the overpriced suit just told you on your twitter, facebook, instagram, linked in accounts, then, don’t forget about the station’s matching accounts. And don’t forget to let the guys back at the station know about it too. They’re way too busy making work for you to actually follow any of those sites.

Contact-us-anchorman-quotesContent Repurposer: This is where the HR guys screwed the pooch. You’d think they could have found a better title for the most important job in the newsroom. Alas, while trying to invent something new and digital for stacker, they landed a little too close to the truth. No longer do stackers just stack. And while it is true they generate little content themselves, they take all those tweets and pics and blurbs and statuses, then reconfigure them into something fit for the web. You know the web. It’s that vast array of tubes and wires Al Gore put together before he became Climatologist Emeritus. Stations continue to use CRs to push all their information through the interwebs, but have yet to learn how to monetize so that maybe one day HR can get interns to do all this for free.

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About Rick

Writer, photographer, thinker of deep thought . . . too bad I only write about shallow ones.
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